It’s only 3 days until I fly off to Vancouver and I can definitely say that the last two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions! Since handing my notice in at work, my head has been backwards and forwards wondering if I’ve made the right decision, questioning why I’ve been wanting to try moving to Vancouver for a period of time and second guessing quite a lot. At the same time 2015 has also been scary but exciting, liberating and full of incredible moments spent with loved ones and friends that i have appreciated more than I think I would’ve done if I did not have this trip planned.
I think the worries I’m having at the moment are down to the realisation that this is actually happening! I’ve talked about it for so long and now that I’m actually doing it I’m not quite believing I am going. I also still feel quite underprepared since I have not been taking any time to sit down and do stuff but rather I’ve been having a wonderful time out and about constantly, seeing friends, going for drinks and just spending my time anywhere other than sitting down at home with my computer and mapping out where it is I want to stay and what I will be doing.
I have made some enquiries regarding work and have a few people to meet up with when I arrive which is a positive but the worries such as, will my bank card work ok? Will I be able to find a flat share easily enough? What happens if I get to the border and they don’t let me enter do stop me from feeling as excited as I could be at this point! I suppose this lack of sitting down and planning has meant I haven’t been allowing myself to get as excited as I want to be because I am still clinging on to what I have here and am scared of leaping into the unknown. At the same time, what people keep telling me and what I really do need to keep telling myself is that, I am so fortunate to be doing this, to be able to follow a dream that I have wanted to do for such a long time. Even if I go for 3 months and decide I miss Craig too much or that Vancouver just isn’t for me I can always come back but this experience is one that I can keep with me for the rest of my life and I need to try looking forward and not back.